Just Cry – Mandisa

I knew this day was coming – I just didn’t know how to prepare for it or what to think once it arrived.  The only thing I feel like I really know to do right now is just cry.  My favorite lyrics from this song are:  “It doesn’t mean you don’t trust Him, it doesn’t mean you don’t believe, it doesn’t mean you don’t know He’s redeeming everything.”  I know in the bottom of my heart that God has some amazing plans (plural) for me in the future, but that doesn’t really make today any easier.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t trust Him though, or that I don’t believe that He’s going to take what feels like the broken pieces of my life and mold them into something incredible.

For months now though, I feel like I’ve worn this mask at work and out in public that said “I’m fine.”  The truth is, these last 6 months have been far from easy, and even further from “fine.”  I’ve become pretty good at putting on a smile each morning and wearing a mask all day long, pretending like everything’s okay.  So although there will be a significant amount of tears running down my face tonight, I can also see this day as the first day of a new beginning, and a future that will include so many wonderful things.

These next few weeks and months will be a time for me to heal my heart and regain the confidence and self-esteem that was destroyed by one person in an instant.  That man was the one who stood on the alter almost 3 years ago and promised to love me, protect me, and to be faithful to me.  But…he didn’t keep those promises.  It’s not just my marriage that ended today…I lost the person who used to be my best friend.

Just Cry – Mandisa

Why you gotta act so strong?
Go ahead and take off your brave face
Why you telling me nothing’s wrong
It’s obvious your not in a good place
Who’s telling you to keep it all inside
And never let those feelings
Get past the corner of your eye.

Chorus:
You don’t need to run
You don’t need to speak
Baby take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheek
It may be tomorrow
You’ll be past the sorrow
But tonight it’s alright
Just cry.

I know you know your Sunday songs
A dozen verses by memory
Yeah they’re good but
Life is hard and days get long
You gotta know God can handle your honesty
So feel the things your feeling
Name your fears and doubts
Don’t stuff your shame and sadness, loneliness and anger
Let it out, let it out.  Chorus

It doesn’t mean you don’t trust Him
It doesn’t mean you don’t believe
It doesn’t mean you don’t know
He’s redeeming everything.  Chorus

Why you gotta act so strong
Go ahead and take off your brave face.

Better Than a Hallelujah – Amy Grant

I believe that happiness is a choice.  I also believe that if you’re not happy with what you have, you’ll never be happy with what you want.  Something I’ve learned these past few months is just how important honesty is.  It’s so important to be completely honest with the people you love.  I’ve also been working on being completely honest with myself.  I’ve also spent some time being completely honest with God.  When things began to “fall apart” for me about 5 months ago, I was really angry with God.  How could he let this happen to me?  And WHY!?  What good could possibly come from this situation?!  I had so many questions, and so few answers.  I just had to trust Him.  Throughout this time, I’ve been able to THANK God for the blessings in my life.  I can THANK him for my wonderful family and friends, for my new job, for a great new place to live —- but I haven’t been able to PRAISE him.  I couldn’t (and still have trouble) uttering the words: God you’re amazing, praise the Lord, whatever.  But…this song I heard at Women of Faith really touched my heart.  When I’m pouring out my miseries to God, he just hears a melody.  The HONEST cries of my breaking heart may be better than a “hallelujah” sometimes…

Better Than a Hallelujah  Amy Grant

God loves a lullaby
In a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves a drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

Chorus:

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah.

The woman holding on for life,
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what’s been done,
The silence when the words won’t come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.  Chorus

Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out,singing out.  Chorus

Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood

This is one of those songs that makes me laugh when it pops up on my playlist.  Having a little bit of revenge is definitely something I think about often, but not something I would ever actually do.  I can lay in bed at night though, and imagine the whole story as I think through the words of this song – the “other girls,” the “smashing of the headlights.”  Often, I’m just thinking about all the things I would love to say and do that would cause him as much pain as he’s caused me.  But – my goal is to get to the end of every day and have no regrets.  And I’m proud of myself for that.  I’m a much stronger person now than I’ve ever been, and I know that soon, I’ll be able to “move on.”  I also know that – “the next time that he cheats – oh, you know it won’t be on me!”  🙂

Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood

Right now he’s probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp,
and she’s probably getting frisky,
Right now, he’s probably buying her some fruity little drink
’cause she can’t shoot whiskey,
Right now, he’s probably up behind her with a pool-stick
showing her how to shoot a combo, and he don’t know…

Chorus:
That I dug my key into the side of his
pretty little souped up 4-wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats.
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.

Right now, she’s probably up singing some
white-trash version of Shania karaoke,
Right now, she’s probably saying “I’m drunk”
and he’s a thinking that he’s gonna get lucky,
Right now, he’s probably dabbing on
3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo, and he don’t know…   Chorus

I might’ve saved a little trouble for the next girl,
’cause the next time that he cheats,
Oh, you know it won’t be on me!   Chorus