I knew this day was coming – I just didn’t know how to prepare for it or what to think once it arrived. The only thing I feel like I really know to do right now is just cry. My favorite lyrics from this song are: “It doesn’t mean you don’t trust Him, it doesn’t mean you don’t believe, it doesn’t mean you don’t know He’s redeeming everything.” I know in the bottom of my heart that God has some amazing plans (plural) for me in the future, but that doesn’t really make today any easier. It doesn’t mean that I don’t trust Him though, or that I don’t believe that He’s going to take what feels like the broken pieces of my life and mold them into something incredible.
For months now though, I feel like I’ve worn this mask at work and out in public that said “I’m fine.” The truth is, these last 6 months have been far from easy, and even further from “fine.” I’ve become pretty good at putting on a smile each morning and wearing a mask all day long, pretending like everything’s okay. So although there will be a significant amount of tears running down my face tonight, I can also see this day as the first day of a new beginning, and a future that will include so many wonderful things.
These next few weeks and months will be a time for me to heal my heart and regain the confidence and self-esteem that was destroyed by one person in an instant. That man was the one who stood on the alter almost 3 years ago and promised to love me, protect me, and to be faithful to me. But…he didn’t keep those promises. It’s not just my marriage that ended today…I lost the person who used to be my best friend.
Just Cry – Mandisa
Why you gotta act so strong?
Go ahead and take off your brave face
Why you telling me nothing’s wrong
It’s obvious your not in a good place
Who’s telling you to keep it all inside
And never let those feelings
Get past the corner of your eye.
You don’t need to run
You don’t need to speak
Baby take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheek
It may be tomorrow
You’ll be past the sorrow
But tonight it’s alright
I know you know your Sunday songs
A dozen verses by memory
Yeah they’re good but
Life is hard and days get long
You gotta know God can handle your honesty
So feel the things your feeling
Name your fears and doubts
Don’t stuff your shame and sadness, loneliness and anger
Let it out, let it out. Chorus
It doesn’t mean you don’t trust Him
It doesn’t mean you don’t believe
It doesn’t mean you don’t know
He’s redeeming everything. Chorus
Why you gotta act so strong
Go ahead and take off your brave face.